A FEW EVENINGS LATER,
AT LORRAINE'S APARTMENT
"You're awfully quiet,"
finally spoke. The silence that had filled the room since Trevor
had arrived was almost unbearable. She watched him closely as he
paced around the living room. "Something on your mind?"
Though she hadn't meant them to, her words came out quite sarcastic.
Secretly, she wondered if his head was once again filled with thoughts
He paused for a moment and looked at her. Taking
in her gentle beauty, he ran his hands through his hair and wondered
where to start. He truly didn't want to hurt her. She had
become so special to him. Yet, he could no longer deny the truth.
He was most definitely in love with Grace Davis. No matter what
the future might hold for him and Grace, he couldn't continue to deceive
Lorraine. "I...I...I don't know what to say," he finally
"Well, go on! Just spit it out!"
She knew what was coming. She felt it in the deepest corners of
her heart. "Don't just keep wearing a hole in the carpet.
Stop right there and tell me! You came here tonight to tell me
something. Why put it off? Why prolong this...this...this
mess?" He stopped in his tracks, swallowed hard, and inhaled
"L-Lorraine.....I...." He didn't know
where to start. He looked away to avoid seeing the hurt in her
eyes that she tried so unsuccessfully to hide. You have to do
it! You have to tell her. It's the only right thing to do, he
thought. "Lorraine, you are probably one of the most special
people I've ever met in my entire life. Gee...I think this has to
be the hardest thing I've ever done. Um...I've been so
unfair to you. You deserve so much better than me.
I...I...I'm not in love with you. I thought I was once, but
I've come to realize that I'm not." He stopped for a moment
and watched her slump down into a chair. He approached her
tentatively and saw how vacant her eyes had become. He reached out
to hold her, to comfort her as he'd done so many times before, but he
pulled away. He was afraid that would hurt her even more.
"Is it someone else?"
"That's not important. Whether there is
another woman involved or not, that has no bearing on how I feel.
I really think I had these feelings before and I was just too blind to
see them. You and I could never work out. It's not your
fault. It's all mine! It's my fault. I can't
love you the way you need to be loved."
"Why, Trevor, why?" She looked up at him
and could no longer hold back her tears. "What's so awful
about me that you can't love me? A-am I not pretty enough?
A-am I just too plain?"
"No! Why in the world would you even think
such things?" He was stunned by her questions. Trevor
thought that Lorraine was one of the most beautiful girls that he knew.
That wasn't it at all. "Honey, you're gorgeous!
B-but sometimes beauty isn't enough. Look, I know it's hard to
explain, but I've been in love once before. I was in high school.
Whenever I thought about her, my insides turned to mush. I
couldn't explain it." He rested his hand gently on her
shoulder hoping to give her some kind of support and comfort.
"She...uh...she and her family moved away."
He lowered his face into his hands as he thought about Maddy Forsythe
and the sweet, innocent love that they'd shared. "I...I had
always hoped that she'd come back to me."
"Did she?" Lorraine peered at him
through narrow eyes as she waited for an answer.
"Um...no." His voiced had softened to
almost a mutter as he turned away from her. "S-she died a
couple of years ago. I-I never got a chance the live the life that
I'd wanted with her. That's why I can't keep seeing you."
"Because of some dead girl?" Her voice
grew more forceful as she rose from her seat. "How can you
expect me to believe that you can't love me because you're holding on to
the memory of some dead childhood sweetheart?"
"It's not just that. It's not just Maddy.
I know how I felt with her. What I felt was true love. I-I
don't feel that with you." He grabbed Lorraine and pulled her
close to him. As he wrapped his arms around her, he realized he
needed to hold her as much to comfort himself as to comfort her.
"I tried. I really tried to feel that way about you...but I
can't. I finally realized that I probably never would. If I
keep letting you believe that I do, it wouldn't be fair to you.
It's not right!"
"Just go." She pulled away from him and
flung herself onto the couch.
"I'm sorry, Lorraine, I'm really sorry."
He turned away to hide his shame for the hurt he'd caused her.
When he looked at her again he knew there was nothing left to say.
Silently, he walked out the door and left her alone. As the sound
of the closing door echoed through the apartment, Lorraine's tears began
to flow unstoppably. She knew this was coming. She knew
he'd leave her. But, knowing all that, why did it still hurt so