For Now and Forever
produced/written by G. Matthew Smith


EPISODE #30 (Friday 6/1/01)
same day, September 1935


"Why can't there be an easy decision," Lorraine muttered to herself as she tried to fight back tears.  She knew she could just tell Patterson he was going to be a father.  He'd surely want to marry her and they could live happily ever after.  She shook her head when she realized it just wouldn't be that easy.  She'd have to live with her lie for he rest of her life.  And did she really have to right to deny Douglas his own child?  But the truth would cause so much heartache and strife.  Lorraine once again began to cry when she realized that this wouldn't be an easy choice.  She truly had no idea what she was going to do.


"So, is there another reason behind your interest in this marriage besides your concern for Sara?" Reginald asked as he looked at Jillian closely.  Despite her assertions, something about Jillian's claims just didn't ring true.  There had to be more to her obsession with Dane and Sara's marriage.  He soon grew fearful of what it might be.

"What are you trying to get at?"  She swallowed hard.  His constant interrogation was making her edgy.  Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone?  She thought for a moment and realized why he couldn't.  He had a naturally inquisitive nature the befit the newspaper man in him.

Reginald hesitated for a moment as he allowed his suspicions to rest on the tip of his tongue.  He knew what he was afraid of, but was his quest for the truth strong enough to override his fear of what the truth might be.  "Are you jealous over Sara's marriage to Dane?" he finally blurted out.  As soon as she sound of his own voice rang in his ears, he wished he could've taken it back.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"  She shot up out of her seat and quickly approached him.  How dare he accuse her of being jealous of Sara.  Was he trying to imply that she still had feelings for Dane?

"Well, I know you were in love with him once."  Why couldn't he keep his thoughts to himself?  What was compelling him to ask every question that lingered in his head?  Did he really have to know the truth even if it was something he didn't want to hear?

"The emphasis in that sentence should be on the word 'were'."  Jillian's face flushed as she felt her blood pressure begin to rise.  Why did he have to torment her with these questions?  Why couldn't he just leave her past with Dane in the past?  "Dane and I were over a long time ago.  You know that!  Why do you have to bring it up in regards to Sara?  My concern for Sara has nothing to do with my relationship with Dane!"

Reginald reached out and grabbed her arm and forced her to face him.  "Jillian, is there a part of you that's still in love with Dane?"  He had to know.  He had to know the answer to a question that had been eating away at him for months.

She looked at him, stunned that he had the nerve to ask her such a thing.  She nearly struck back with an angry remark, but as she saw the deep emotion and pain on his face, she realized that the question was not posed out of spite, but instead out of love and concern.  "No, Reginald," she finally spoke as she lifted her hand to gently stroke his cheek.  "Don't you know that you're the only man I could ever truly love?"

"I-I'd hoped and prayed that was the case," he muttered as he looked away in embarrassment.  "B-but I just had to ask.  With the way you've been acting, I just had to know."  He paused for a moment as another thought struck him.  Maybe she wasn't lying to him.  Maybe she was lying to herself.


"Janet, you do realize that before long the weather's gonna turn cold and all these beautiful trees are gonna be bare?"  Burt wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tighter.  There was something about having her in his arms that just felt so right.  "You won't be able to come out here and paint the beautiful leaves then."

"Beauty is where you find it," she smiled as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the comfort his arms brought.  "Even in the gnarled branch of a bare tree you can find something beautiful and artful."  She hesitated for a moment and thought about Burt and how he was stirring feelings inside of her that she'd long forgotten she could have.  "B-Burt," she began tentatively, "I-I don't think I've ever met a man who affected my quite the way you do."

"And I can honestly admit that I can say the same about you."  He turned to look deeply into her eyes.  Their lips met tenderly in a kiss and they felt all their emotions begin to well up inside them.  Slowly, they pulled apart while still gazing into each other's eyes.

"Burt, I-I can't explain it.  I know we've only known each other for only a short time, but I've found myself feeling things for you."  She looked away in embarrassment at being so blunt.  "You've come to mean so much to me."

"Janet, I-I feel the same way."  A million thoughts raced through his head.  How could two people just meet and barely know one another, yet feel as if they'd know each other their entire lives.  Was there really such a thing as love at first sight?  Suddenly, a horrible thought stuck him.  "W-what happens when you have to go home?  What happens to us when you have to leave Albanyville?"

"Nothing has to happen."  She smiled flirtatiously at him.  "I'm not going home.  I'm staying right here."

He let out a huge sigh of relief.  "You staying here wouldn't have anything to do with me, would it?"

"You are a lot of the reason, yes," she confessed.  "But not the only one.  I just believe that, at this point in my life, this is where I'm supposed to be."

Burt pulled Janet even tighter into his arms and enjoyed the pure exhilaration of her presence.  Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Trevor and Grace enjoying themselves during a picnic.  "You know, Janet, I'm not sure it's really fair how some people can be born into money and prestige while other people, like us, have to survive on meager means.  It's not our fault how we were born.  Why should we be the ones who have to struggle to survive when people like that are handed everything?"

Janet fidgeted nervously at Burt's philosophical musings.  She'd led him to believe that she was like him...that she came from a background similar to his.  How could she ever tell him that she was, in fact, one of those privileged people?  How could she ever confess her lie and tell him the truth about who she really was?


Penelope let out a heavy sigh as she knelt down at the foot of her bed and drug out an old cardboard box.  As she lifted the dusty lid, she thought about how long it had been since she'd looked at its contents.  Carefully, she pulled out an old photo album and held it close to her chest.  As she closed her eyes, she remembered the feelings and emotions that were held in its pages.

She sat down on the bed and began to flip through the pages and pages of memories.  Each photograph carried her back to another time.  It was a time when she was truly happy and truly in love.  When she came upon her favorite picture, she let out a short gasp and then gently traced the outline of his face with her finger.  Oh, it was so long ago.

Penelope's eyes began to fill with tears as she remembered the one great love of her life.  Suddenly, she grew angry when thoughts of what could never be flooded over her.  With a loud thud she slammed the album closed and began to weep.

It was wrong to be here again.  It was wrong to be back in Albanyville.  Nothing good could come of it.  It was bound to only bring heartache and pain.  She'd worked so hard to shield Burt from that, but now she was afraid that it was all going to come out.  She had to prevent that from happening.  She had to protect Burt from the truth.  She had to prevent him from finding out all the horrible things that the Callison family had done to her.


"B-Burt," Janet spoke up as her voice began to tremble, "Burt, there's something I have to tell you."

"There's something I have to tell you, too."  He pulled her closer so that her head rested easily on his shoulder.  "I know it sounds odd, but I believe that we were meant for each other.  I think one of the reasons I feel so close to you is because our backgrounds are so similar.  We both come from simple beginnings, but we haven't allowed that to hold us back from our dreams."

Janet swallowed hard as she again thought about her lie.  How could she tell him the truth?  How could she reveal to him that their worlds were nothing alike?  Also, how could she tell him who she really was without risking him knowing about everything that had happened?  If he really knew who she was and what had transpired in New York, he would surely be uneasy around her.  They all were once they knew the truth.

Meanwhile, a million thoughts ran through Burt's head as well.  He was so happy he'd finally found someone that was like him; someone from the same background who understood where he'd been and where he was coming from.  Janet was so different from herShe never understood him.  She only acted like she knew him.  In reality, she was just like the rest of those society types.  He'd convinced himself that their vastly different backgrounds wouldn't matter, but they did.  She'd only been using him to escape the boredom of her high society life.  She'd only been slumming.  Janet wasn't like that...not like her at all.

Burt silently watched Trevor and Grace and wondered how things might have been different if he'd had the same background as the Callisons.  Would it have made a difference?  Would it have put him on equal footing?  What would it have been like to have been born into a world of wealth and privilege?  He sighed when he realized it was a world he wasn't meant to know.  He turned toward Janet and smiled warmly.  Oh, what a wonderful thing it was to have found someone like her.  She understood him.  They were so much alike.  Thank god he wasn't falling in love with some society snob again.


As she sat on the park bench, Lorraine nervously thought about how Patterson would react if she told him the baby was his and then the truth came out...

"Oh, my god, Lorraine!  How could you do this?  How could you tell me this was my son and have me fall in love with this child only to rip him out of my arms?"

"Oh, Patterson, no!  That's not how it is.  Oh, I didn't know what to do!  Please believe me.  I never meant to hurt you.  I never meant to hurt anyone.  I was just so scared."

"Scared?  So scared that you lied to me?  How could you do this to me?  How could you give me something so wonderful and then just rip out my heart?  I-I can never forgive you for this!  I-I hate you!"

Then Douglas' voice began to ring in her ears...

"Why couldn't you tell me you were having my child?  Didn't you think I had the right to know?"

"Douglas, I was frightened!  I didn't know what to do.  If I'd told anyone the truth, there would have been so much trouble!  I-I only did what I thought was best."

"Best?  Best for you!  Didn't you think this child deserved to know who his father is?  Didn't you think I would want to know my own child?"

"Oh, Douglas, please understand."

"I can never understand this!  You didn't think I was good enough to be the father of your child."

"No, Douglas!  No.  That's not it at all!"

Lorraine inhaled deeply as she tried to shake off the images in her head.  She knew that to reveal the truth now would be devastating to all involved.  However, she realized that lies always had a way of revealing themselves.  The fallout from the truth coming out later would be even more cataclysmic.  Was that a chance she was willing to take?  Could she really lie and name Patterson as the father of her baby?  Oh, if only he were the father.  It would make things so much easier.  But could she look at herself in the mirror every day for the rest of her life knowing the lie that she carried around inside?

She again laid a hand on her stomach and knew that she had to make a choice.  She carefully weighed her options again and then looked up in the sky as if hoping to receive a sign.  With a sigh, she knew what she had to do.  She knew what would be best.  She swallowed hard and looked down at her stomach.

"Well, little one," she sighed, "it's time you had a daddy.  I realize who it has to be.  Now, I just have to find the courage to tell him."  She knew the risks involved and she knew the price she was going to have to pay.  However, it was a risk she was going to have to take.



Lorraine makes an announcement.

For Now and Forever
produced/written by G. Matthew Smith

2001- 2010 Classic Soap Productions